Distillation

There is little that can be done to improve upon ancient classic poetry. It’s so hard to capture the thoughts and feelings, but that’s exactly the purpose of today’s Carpe Diem challenge. I did my best to capture the tone and meaning of Ōtomo Miyuki’s poem about the end of the Jinshin war.  

English: Cison(智尊) was a Japanese figure in As...

In a sense, the goal was to “distill” the original into modern haiku.  Here is his original poem:

Our Sovereign, a god,
Has made his Imperial City
Out of the stretch of swamps,
Where chestnut horses sank
To their bellies.

And here is my haiku trio, doing my best to catch his sentiment:

Imperial wishes
Cultural transformation
Swampy transition

Peace comes at Jinshin
Sunken warriors step up
Seeking God’s desires

Chestnuts from the muck
Trot to Asuka Palace
Herald a new age

—-

This poem was a response to the challenge found at Carpe Diem where you can find wonderful poetic inspiration and awesome information about haiku and their related forms.

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About ewdupler

Gene is an avid outdoorsman, loves reading and is known to put pen to paper (well, he types) as an amateur poet.
This entry was posted in Carpe Diem, Poetry and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Distillation

  1. Good day Gene, You’re the first who’s taking up this new challenge … and you did a great job on it. Awesome story distilled from the poem by Otomo Miyuki caught in three beautiful haiku. Thank you for participating in this new CD challenge.

  2. jazzbumpa says:

    Yep – I think you did a fine job with it.

    Cheers!
    JzB

  3. jrbsays says:

    Very well done, a triple treat 🙂

  4. E A M Harris says:

    I like the third poem best. It’s a nice idea – a dirty horse ushering in a new, peaceful, age.

  5. 4joyjoanne says:

    I thot the idea of distillation was to condense! In any case, I thoroughly enjoyed your tale with a happy ending…

  6. Sunshine says:

    i enjoyed reading your offering with the historical bent to it.

  7. Pingback: Distilling a Classic Poem: A Carpe Diem Affair | Simply Charming

  8. Snakypoet (Rosemary Nissen-Wade) says:

    Very creative!

  9. Pingback: Haiku: SUNDAY | merlinspielen

  10. Pingback: Evening Sky : A Carpe Diem Distillation Affair | Simply Charming

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